The First Steps on the Road Less Traveled is Paved with "Namaste"

        As we started heading down the hill towards my site I glued my face to the jeep window trying to take in everything around me.  Everything that would be my home for the next two years.  For a moment I imagined myself in my future body, returning to the site after many years away.  What would that feel like?  Would I be welcomed with open arms?  Would they remember my name?  Will projects that I start now still be in place?  What will I have missed the most?

The jeep made a first stop at the Health Post.  Many of the staff was there and I was greeted with smiles and “Namaste”s.  Some of them even spoke a little bit of English.  Then it was off to my house to meet my family.  After about a 5 minute drive we arrived at the house which was right off the main road.  My family was all there, save my dad who would join us shortly.  I was tired from the day’s travel and my GI system wasn’t at it’s best so I was a little short of words, but I was happy to be “home” and to be meeting my family.  

They greeted me with Mala (which is a string of flowers that is placed around your neck) and Tika (the red rice mixture applied to the forehead).  My counterpart was greeted too and stayed for the introduction.  I continuously feel lucky to have such a caring, invested, loyal counterpart who is truly dedicated to introcuding me to the community and teaching them about what I am here to do.  One of his introductions was to a group of political leaders and lasted a good 20-30 minutes.  He talked all about Peace Corps and what my role was in the community. 
These first few months I am mainly focusing on just that…discovering my role in the community.  So far my typical day is the following:

7am: Wake up to one of my siblings bringing me tea.  After tea…go for a run, do yoga, practice language.

9am:  Morning Daal Bhaat with the family (lentils, or beans and rice)

10am:   Meet my counterpart at the Health Post and chat with the staff.  

10-4pm:  Observe the activities of the Health Post and practice my language.  The Health Post recieves around 20 patients a day and the staff dispenses medications.  Common illnesses they see and treat are the common cold, stomach pain, fever, cough, tuberculosis, and more.  They also do health checks on pregnant women and women with children under five.  All services are free and pregnant women and women with young children get a small amount of money from the government for getting checked and for giving birth at the Health Post.

4-6:30pm:  Have tea and snack with friends.  Head home.

6:30pm:  Evening Daal Bhaat with family.  Listen to my family converse and attempt to understand some of what they are saying.  Talk about my day.

8pm:  Head to my room.  

9pm:  Go to bed.

Every day is an adventure here in Nepal and I never really know what to expect when I step outside my room.  About two weeks into my service one of my friends from the Health Post announced that she was getting married and wanted to know if I would like to come.  I was honored that she invited me and also that she trusted me with her secret as she had not told the other staff members that she was getting married.  

The next week I packed my stuff and took a bus with her cousin to her house.  It was about 6 hours away by bus.  When we arrived, we were greeted with tea and snacks and shown to our room.  Staying at her house was really neat as I got to see all the preparation the day before.  Her family was playing music and putting up decorations as we sat up on the roof and got our hands decorated with mhindi (henna).  

Later that night people began dancing and after little persuasion, I joined the group.  After all, I did bring my light up hula hoop for the occasion!  I enjoyed dancing to the music as it was more similar to club music than the typical Nepali music played in busses, homes, and festivals.  At first I decided to offer the hula hoop to the group to see if they had used a hula hoop before.  Some of them recognized what it was, but did not know what to call it.  After saying “hula hoop” multiple times and getting blank, confused looks they eventually decided to call it a “pipe”.  One gentleman took the “pipe” and spun it wildly above his head as I shielded my eyes and backed away.  A few others were able to spin it a few times around themselves.  Then they offered it to me and I did my usual routine of spins and twirls.  It was great fun and I was asked continuously throughout the night to repeat my performance.  

The next day began with more preparation as different rooms were set up for the occasion.  After my friend was dressed in the traditional attire, she was seated in one of the prayer rooms and her family members came to visit her and wash her feet.  Later, the groom arrived in a car behind a large procession that included a band and about 75 family members. Everyone was dancing as white foam was sprayed into the air landing on everyone like snow.  After the procession, my friend came out of the house and exchanged rings with her new husband.  Then, they parted and more prayer ceremonies commenced.  Finally, the ceremonies ended with the bride and groom sitting outside, physically tied together by a yellow fabric that symbolized their bond.  

It was a very colorful, emotion filled day as the bride does not return to her family’s house after the wedding accept for holidays.  Most marriages in the area where I live are arranged.  Sometimes the bride and groom meet for the first time on the wedding day.  Although my friend’s marriage was arranged, she had met him before hand and had approved the arrangement.  After a few weeks, her husband would leave to Korea for his job.  He plans to be there for 5 years.  My friend said that during that time she plans to still live in my village and work at the Health Post.  Although I am happy that she won’t be moving, I can’t imagine how difficult it will be for her to be away for so long from her husband.  She was happy though and I could tell that she was comfortable with the arrangement.

In the same jovial, parade like fashion that the day started, my friend and her husband drove off in the get away car.  However, unlike American weddings where the bride and groom speed away, the car was slowed to a snail pace once again by surrounding family and friends all dancing and singing. 

“This month is a good month to get married”.  I was told by many people at the wedding.

“Why is that?”  I asked.  “Because of the weather?”

“Yes, that and it’s just a good time.”

“Are you married?”  They ask.

“No.”  I explain.  Expecting the question to pop up at some point.

“People in America usually get married a little later in life.”  

That is usually my way of dodging their concerned looks that I have not been married at this point in life.  It’s a popular topic of conversation and I handle it a little differently every time.  I usually say that after 2 years, when the Peace Corps is over I plan to get married.  Then they smile, and all is well with the world.

“When is Navin (my brother) coming home from Kathmandu?” I asked

“He comes home this Thursday for Tihar.”  My mom replied

“Ok”  I said

“You are going to give him Tikka, OK?” 

“Ok”  I replied.  

Earlier that week our group of Peace Corps volunteers had stayed in Kathmandu 3 days and I was looking forward to coming home and celebrating Tihar with my family.  I prepared for the festival by buying some small gifts and was wondering when the appropriate time would be to offer them.  Like many instances when I am not exactly sure how things will go, I waited to observe what my family would do and decided to follow their lead.  

Tihar is celebrated over 5 days.  The first day is dedicated to worshiping the crow.  The crow is believed to bring people news and because people want it to bring them good news, they offer food to crows on that day.  The second day is dog tikka.  Dogs are believed to be guardians of the underworld, so people show their respect and honor for dogs on that day.  The third day is cow tikka and in the evening Lakshmi puja.  My family doesn’t own a cow, but my friend’s family does and she said that the ceremony involved applying tikka (the red sticky rice) to the cow’s forehead, giving it a necklace of flowers, and sprinkling more rice and flowers on it’s head.  Apparently, its favorite part was the sweet bread it got at the end.  

The evening of the third day was one of my favorite events.  On that night we went around and decorated the house with chains of marigold flowers that we had been making.  Then we lit an altar dedicated to the goddess Lakshmi.  The goddess Lakshmi is believed to bring good fortune, wealth and prosperity to the people in the night and so we lit the path that she takes from the altar to the beds in the house.  The path is first marked with mud, then colored footprints are made that resemble her steps into the house.  Finally, candles are lit and placed along the path.  The windows of the house are left open that night and candles are placed in the windows.  Nepal normally has a policy of scheduled power outages and every day the power goes out for a period of time.  However, during Tihar the power stays on until 9pm so that people can light their lights and invite Lakshmi into the house.

The next day involved lots of cooking and preparation.  We prepared large amounts of sweet flatbread that were distributed around the village.  It was a long process and fun to observe.  In many ways it reminded me of making Christmas cookies.  

On the final day of Tihar, brother’s are honored during bhai Tikka.  The symbolism of the brother Tikka ceremony is reflected in a story about a girl who saved her brother’s life with her love and dedication.  Her brother had fallen ill and was going to be taken by the spirit of the underworld.  She pleaded with the god to spare his life.  The god agreed that he would spare her brother’s life if she took care of him, kept the flowers and plants by his bed fresh and kept the oil on him wet.  She agreed and for a whole year did just that.  The god visited throughout the year and observed her obedience.  At the end of the year, the god was so impressed by her love and devotion that he spared her brother’s life.  It is that love that is celebrated on the final day of Tihar.

  By the last day, my brother was home from Kathmandu and my father’s two older sisters were staying at the house.  At 11am we gathered in the house and I was told to not leave the house until after the ceremony was done.  The door was left open, but no one was allowed to come or go from the house for about an hour while we did bother Tikka.  This Tikka ceremony was different from the one we did for the last festival Dashain.  The Tikka is a series of colors applied to the forehead, with a white circle around it.  It started with my aunt and sisters circling my dad and brother while sprinkling water, then rice water, then oil.  Next, they had oil applied to their heads.  After the oil, my sisters and I placed a row of colors on the forehead of our brother, then had the colors placed on our foreheads.  Finally, we offered gifts of fruit and sweets.  

Overall, Tihar reminded me a lot of Christmas because it involves:

-preparing for the coming of an etherial, gift bearing being in the night by setting out food and lighting lights.

-Decorating the house with colored lights and seasonal flowers.  

-Visiting neighbor’s houses and singing songs.

-Having relatives stay at your house

-Cooking and eating large amounts of sweets

-Giving gifts to family members

Although Tihar is a major festival, it had a more intimate, cozy feeling than the last one.  The house smelled of sweet breads and the colorful lights around the house reminded me of the holidays back home.  I really enjoyed it and am looking forward to my last 2 weeks here.  

Stay tuned because in 2 weeks I will move to the far west district of Nepal.  My house will be a 3 day trip from Kathmandu and 60km from the main road.  I look forward to this adventure as it will be the most remote type of living I have ever done.  Into the future, one step at a time.  

I have now been in Nepal for one month.  So far it has been an unforgettable experience and I look forward to the months ahead.  when we first arrived at the site of our Pre Service training it was a bizarre feeling.  From the moment I was face to face with my host mother I started feeling like I was living in a dream.  I physically knew what to expect as far as stye type of living situation I would have, the food I would eat, and the schedule I would have.  However, actually living in that place, eating that food, and living that schedule still feels unnatural and somewhat strange.  The best part about it though is that I am never bored.  There is always something I could be studying, someone I could be talking to, or some project I could be working on.

Our schedule has been busy since we arrived at the PCT site thee weeks ago.  For 6 days a week our daily schedule looks like this:

6am:  wake up and get dressed
615am:  Have morning tea and snack with my family (snack is usually homemade flatbread, or cookies)
7am:  Morning language class with three other Peace Corps trainees and the teacher
9am:  Morning daal bhaat (lentils and rice) with veggies.  This is prepared by my family.
1045am:  Afternoon class in small group
1:45pm:  Afternoon technical training.  So far we have gotten training in how to build a nursery bed, how to compost, make super flour, and preserve food.  Other topics are about safety and security, culture, behavior change, etc.
5pm:  Arrive home and socialize with my family.  Help with chores and cooking dinner.
7pm:  Evening meal of daal bhaat with family
8pm  Go to bed

On our days off I have been spending time with my family.  We often go to their other house to take bucket baths and wash clothes.  Sometimes we go into town to buy soda, or attend festivals.

Last week was one of Nepal's biggest Hindu festivals.  It's called Dashain and it lasts 10 days.  The last three days are the most exciting and I had a wonderful time celebrating with my family.  The festival celebrates the goodess Durga in her triumph over the evil demon god Mahisasur.  It occurs every year after the full moon near the end of September.

Last Friday I received my first Tikka from my host family.  Tikka is the red coloring applied to the forehead.  It is an offering that symbolizes victory and is believed to protect the person from evil.  It also protects humans, cars, and animals on journeys and is put on cars, cows, and bicycles.  During holidays like Dashain it is a mixture of red powder, yogurt, rice and sugar.  Some families give Tikka on a regular basis and then it's usually just the red or yellow powder.  After receiving the Tikka, they placed some grass behind my ear.  The grass is called Zumara and is planted on the first day of the festival.  Next, a small gift of money is given, followed by a snack like a piece of coconut or a banana.

After receiving Tikka from my family I traveled to my mother's sister's house for more Tikka and snacks.  My house is on the side of a hill looking grown into a valley.  The town is located at the bottom of the valley.  During the hike to my aunt's house, we walked up the hill behind my house and could see over the top.  There is a school at the top of the hill with a view that goes on and on in all directions.

The next day more of my extended family arrived at our house.  About 20 of my host family's extended family came to receive Tikka and celebrate the day with us.  At first, I was a little intimidated by the number of people and did not feel very social.  However, after spending some time with them and feeling their warmth, love and acceptance: I began to hatch from my shell.  I had a great time with them and it was convenient that some of them could speak English.  One of my cousins was able to speak really well and she had recently graduated from college with a degree in English an Sociology.  We talked about what life was like in the states as well as Nepal and became fast friends.  The day ended with a dance party involving my led light up rainbow colored hula hoop. Even my dad joined in and spun the hoop on his hand.  It was great fun and I was proud to teach them how to say the word "hula hoop".  It isn't often that I can dazzle people with my abilities and often I am treated as a small child, so whenever I can impress them with my skills it makes me happy.

It's is Thursday now and life has returned to normal.  The kids are back to school and the streets are a little quieter.  I now look back on my first mont with joy.  If the next 26 months are as great as this one, I think I'm going to be a pretty happy kid!

Sipping From the Glass of Consciousness

Are you Excited?

I like to watch people’s reaction when I tell them about my plan to join the Peace Corps.  If they are American, they have usually heard about it and their reaction includes a sense of wonderment.  If they are from another country, I usually go into an explanation about what it is.

The next question is usually “When do you leave?” 

When I said September 2014 back in December 2013 I always felt a twinge of anxiety because the date felt so far away and I wasn’t sure what to do with myself in the meantime.  Now, I feel better about saying the date.  It seems like most people think that you can join the Peace Corps and leave the next month.  In reality, it usually takes much longer.  I started my application February 2012.

Next question:  “How long will you be gone?”

The answer of 27 months is usually followed by one of two reactions.  Either, “Oh my gosh…that’s such a long time!”  Or, “Ya, that sounds about right.  You might want to stay longer.”

I feel like those people who have maybe done something similar, or traveled the world tend to think that it is not a super long period of time.  Many of the people who are surprised at how long I will be abroad might not think that two years is a crazy amount of time, just a crazy amount of time to be living in a third world country away from family and friends.  I use the word “crazy” in a good way here.  I have learned to embrace that words like “crazy” are simply a reflection of the person’s perspective.  What is “crazy” to one person could be completely normal and valid to someone else so the word alone holds no ultimate truth as a state of being.  

The next question seems to come up quite often as well…

“Are you excited?” 

“Ya, I guess.  I’m pretty excited…but that’s just part of it really.”

I sometimes compare emotions to drinking wine.  There is the flavor that you first taste, followed by the body, and ending with a finishing taste.  Many flavors can be tasted within seconds and it’s sometimes hard to separate them out and define them.  If thinking about my Peace Corps plans was like drinking a glass of wine I would probably first taste a feeling of openness.  The kind of feeling you get when your friend might take you somewhere that they say is really awesome, but you have never been there before so you go because you trust your friend.  

The next flavor of feeling is one of fear. Now fear gets a bad rap sometimes.  To me fear is a mechanism of my reptilian mind that simply means I need to call attention inward and evaluate a situation.  Being a feeler more than a thinker, this sometimes involves interacting with the fearful thing as part of my evaluation.  After internalizing a situation, I am able to decide whether to proceed or not.  Once I have made my choice I tend to be pretty stubborn and relentless in my pursuit.  It has worked well for me so far and although I am glad I have fear, I try to stay open minded enough to let in different ways of thinking about things.  

“Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them.”

The next taste would be one of love.  The word love can have so many meanings, but in this sense it means acceptance, respect, and reverence.  It also includes self love.  Although I have not met the family I will be living with I already love them.  I have accepted them and respect their culture and values.  I expect there to be rules that I will need to follow that my feminist side may have trouble with, but I have made the choice to integrate into their lifestyle, so I will.  I love the people of Nepal for simply allowing me to be there and spend time with them.  It is a huge honor to be invited into someone’s home for two years and I lam grateful for the opportunity.  

The taste of love would probably be mixed with a sense of empowerment.  Eventually, I hope to be able to give back to my community by creating a ripple effect of educating people about nutrition, health and sanitation.  The projects I will focus on first will be the ones of most concern to the people in my community because those are the ones that will succeed.  

In the words of Henry Ford:

“Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success.”

Only after tasting the initial flavors of this glass of wine would I arrive at the finishing taste of excitement.  Excitement, however, can be over-bearing and just a little is enough to make the overall amplitude of flavor just right.  Too much and I would miss out on what is right in front of me.  It’s there, but the other flavors keep it in check allowing for an overall colorful, dynamic tasting glass of Peace Corps preparation and visualizing.

Here’s to the moment.  Cheers!

Already There

Back in February, I had a friend of mine invite me to a photo shoot he was doing for a lady who was a professional life coach.  A group of 5 women including me, met at a fancy hotel near the airport.  We chatted about life and our various walks of it.  Then the photo shoot began.  My friend gave us different posing ideas such as standing around in a circle and chatting, flocking down the hallway in a “V” shape towards the camera, and sitting on a couch giving high fives to the life coach as she walked by.  To make things more real, the life coach started asking us stimulating questions about our own life that challenged us to dig down deep and give genuine responses while all the while being aware of our facial expressions.  Being a camera shy person I kept wondering what my face looked like when I wasn’t trying to pose.  Don’t look sad, I thought- Unless I was purposefully attempting to look empathetic.  The fear of vulnerability prevented me from allowing genuine emotions to surface.  I remembered what it was like back in the days of working the “Pet’s Rule!” show at Sea World and being told that my acting was a little too forced.

One topic of conversation that the life coach posed was asking us what we really wanted in our life right then.  What was one thing that we would ask for if a Jeanie came out of a bottle right before our eyes told us our wish would be granted?  

Immediately when she asked the question I knew my answer.  One of the biggest mottos of the Peace Corps is being flexible, but I had my heart set on going to Nepal.  It was the country I had chosen back in November and I was volunteering a significant amount of time with Food Share educating people about healthy nutrition just to prove to them (and myself) that I was qualified for the job.  If I got moved to a different program or worse yet, not be able to go anywhere, it would be devastating.  

“I want a car” Said another friend of mine.

“I want my book to be a top seller” Said another.

“I want to be cleared to go to Nepal with the Peace Corps in September” I said.

She looked me in the eyes and said with matter of fact certainty,

“You’re already there”.

To someone else that might sound like a funny thing to say.  How could I possibly be there when I was clearly in LA?  However, I was impressed by her intuition and felt like somehow she knew me better in that moment than anyone else.  She had put into words what I had been feeling for months now.  Although my body was still in California, my mind and heart was in Nepal.  Since the day I was nominated I had been imagining what it would be like there physically, emotionally, logistically, financially.  Each time I volunteered was like practice for my work abroad.  I had already let my employer know about my plans, talked with loved ones about what communication will be like, and mentally prepared myself for the journey.  

I wished that I could bend time so that what I could make a reality out of what I was already feeling inside.  

But I was still in Los Angeles and I knew I needed a way to stay connected to the present.  I had already been told that I should not go abroad with too many expectations about what my living situation will be like so that I wouldn’t get disappointed.  Therefore, spending too much time thinking about the future did not make much sense.  

I decided to join a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class to help center myself and tap into a community locally.  It was the best choice I had made all year.  The Peace Corps doesn’t give people much in the way of self defense training from what I heard, so it was great to develop the confidence that I could handle situations should they come up.  It was also a great work out and the instructors were very encouraging of me and my goals.  I began to look forward to getting “smashed” into the mat by fellow classmates on a regular basis.  I was impressed by the intricate details involved in fighting well.  Experienced fighters were always in control by anticipating your moves and setting you up for others.  Although I ultimately prefer the more peaceful art of yoga and meditation, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu was a great balance to that.  With each class I found myself more deeply connected and awake to my own mind and body as well as others.

Then it happened.  April 17, 2014 I was officially invited to serve in Nepal as a Health Volunteer.  When I read the email I lost control and started screaming and flailing about like someone had electrocuted me.  This went on for a good couple minutes as Daniel sat by watching the scene.  After calming down a little I gave him a hug and asked why he wasn’t jumping up and dancing around too.  He said he had considered it, but he wasn’t sure it was safe with all the spontaneous body movements going on.  As I sat down my hands were still sweaty and shaky.  It was happening.  

From then on the whole thing became more real as I started setting up doctors appointments, writing statements of intent, learning the language, and doing safety training online.  It was nice to feel like I was not just waiting around anymore.  I was placing the building blocks and I was in the driver seat.  Empowered and inspired, I had a clear goal and knew that it would not be long until I was in fact…there.

The Peace Corps Critic

May 25, 2014

I met someone yesterday that for the first time caused me to defend myself and my motives as a Peace Corp volunteer.

I met him at Mark’s (I am changing names to protect identities) birthday/performance dinner before the dinner in a dimly lit room with pink walls that smelled musky and stale.

“Hi, my name is Leroy” and he sat down at our table for four in front of his quiet, soft spoken wife who had a glimpse of fire and steadfast devotion in her eyes.

“Can I buy you a drink?”

“No thanks…We already ordered some wine”

He seemed to be a skeptic at heart.  His wife greeted him with a discussion about how strange the place was and they laughed at how the waitress was very stressed about seating people in the front who had reserved seats.  Although we arrived first, we had been placed in the back of the room and later enjoyed what we had determined was the finest microwaved food in LA.

He was and actor.

When I asked him what his purpose was for moving to Malasia he snuffed at the question as though it were preposterous to wonder why he would do such a thing.  He wanted to seem like he did whatever he wanted whenever he wanted because he was that sort of interesting type of person.  His wife had actually told me the reason was for his ex-wife, but I had forgotten that at the time.  He then explained that he did everything from deep sea fishing to helping raise the income of the starving actors in Malasia.  He seemed to like words with shock value that could catch a person’s attention and make him seem more interesting.

It was as if his ego were so big that facing it was uncomfortable for him and he had lost control of his ability to “just be”.  For someone so seemingly out of touch with himself, he had a stong emotional connection to everyone around him being honest.  I had admitted to him initially that I met Mark through a “Sex Positive Meet Up Group”.  However, I only mentioned to the next person who sat down that we met through a “Meet Up Group” out of respect to Mark in order to protect his privacy not knowing what he had shared with his friends.  To that he responded “you can say ‘Sex Positive.”  He also told the lady who sat next to him that she could refer to herself as a retired “stripper” and not a “professional dancer” because she was in good company.

When his wife attempted to change subjects by enthusiastically mentioning that I was a going to Nepal for the Peace Corps he responded “Why would you want to go to the armpit of Asia?”  He then repeated the word “arm pit” at least a couple times as I cringed.  “You should go to Butan instead.”

When I explained that I was purposefully going to a place that could use international aid due to the new government and highly marginalized populations he explained how the Peace Corps itself had very imperialist motivations.  When I explained that yes some believe that volunteers are placed in countries according to the state’s desires to increase their international power he nodded his head vigorously and showed a sort of “duh” face.  I told him that the state is probably particularly interested in the hydropower of Nepal being the second biggest in the world.

He quieted down a little and I went on to explain that I am pretty much taking a vow of poverty and that I don’t think I will be harming the people by teaching them how to build better stoves, or eat more nutritious meals.  Underneath all the speculation, I believe that at least on the volunteer level the Peace Corps is dedicated to helping the lives of the less fortunate.  I would personally like to teach them how to see the value in resources that they may not be aware of, or may have even been discouraged from developing.   At the very least, the US offers the international community a mutually beneficial partnership through the hands of the Peace Corps Volunteers.

It was bizarre.  Here I was bright eyed with noble intentions and he was making me into a villain.  I was angry.  However, I am thankful that he sparked that fire in me and caused me to verbally defend myself and explain my reasoning for joining such a cause.   In the end, I was stronger for it.  Perhaps I need to embrace the criticism and like my critic, enjoy the attention.

I don't mind being criticized. I enjoy being criticized personally, not by rumor.

Gil Scott-Heron

Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.- Eleanor Roosevelt