Bohemian Fantasies

A Gypsies Tale

Give me the strength to plant these seeds 

and when I must leave, that I will not grieve.

For I may not see them sprout and grow

These seeds, these seeds that I sew.

I wander the world and give my love.

Let there be no push and shove.

For I walk my path as others look on

Tempting, tempting me to attach upon.

Upon a dream, a promise, a hope

Tying me with their leather and rope.

The seeds were never mine, but yours.

Can’t you see?

They never belonged to me.

I cannot wait, I cannot pause.

There are rules.

There are laws.

Laws of money and sense and pain

What’s to loose, when you have that to gain?

I am sorry my seeds, but do not die

Upon my friends you now rely.

So drink in their love and soak in their rain.

Hold with you this truth and your life will sustain.

Freedom Beauty Truth Love

Are all these things worth dying for?

The current of the underworld is stronger than your greed.

Because you will never understand that money cannot feed

The passion that burns in the hearts of our breed.

Only by plunging into this fire can you be relieved

Of your small mind and your blacks and your whites.

The flare of bombs your only lights.

When a whisper turns to a scream

It will hit you like a beam.

So go and cry that your piggy bank is broke

We have other ways to cope.

Truth

Truth is meant to be found, not told.  Most of my life has been steered by people telling me what I don’t want, or what I’m not good at.  It took me a long time to realize that was a good thing.  Being a person born with lots of confidence, and being raised in the states where people tell you that you are good at things when sometimes you’re just not, I think I grew up in my teen years and twenties jumping at every opportunity to try anything.  I had to learn that I didn’t like drugs.  I had to learn that I needed time to myself to reflect and regenerate.  I had to learn that just because I failed at something didn’t mean I was a failure.  There is always a silver lining.  Money in my pocket, knowledge in my head, a warm place inside my bed.  I always seemed to be led to something better.  Call me crazy, but believe I have angels to thank for that.  The biggest thing I wasn’t taught was how to manage the universe and complexities of the soul.  Maybe there isn’t a way to teach that though.  Maybe it can’t be told.

In Nepal there are few “type A” personalities.  Those born with competitive, outgoing, ambitious, impatient and/or aggressiveness are labeled Type A.  If people are born with that spirit, they are encouraged and rewarded for it, sometimes despite the consequences.  Typically these leaders are male, but when parents were open minded enough to respect their daughters as fully functional, intelligent, capable human beings, they were also women.  These women were people like my younger sister Neera.  She led with quiet strength, but relenting commitment to her faith and family.  She encouraged me to learn Nepali culture no matter how much I complained that I didn’t want to wash all my clothes and laundry on the 4th day of my period.  She worked for an NGO fighting for HIV Aids awareness at a time when it is becoming a serious threat in the Far West of Nepal.  She fought for women’s rights, for the rights of all who refuse to be victimized.  

I am a “type B”.  I admit that.  My older sister growing up was the boss.  I was more daring than her, but she pointed me in the direction of my dreams.  She was the first to live in a third world country.  She lead by example.  It wasn’t until going to Nepal that I learned the strength of the Type B.  The Type B leads another to truth gently.  They assist their people in learning their own truth. Its having the strength to say:

“How can I help you?  What do you want me to do?”  

and honestly mean it because doing that opens the door for the other person to achieve their dreams.  Usually, in a collective society where the end goal isn’t money/fame/ego the dream is best for everyone.  

The only person you have to believe is yourself, and sometimes you need people to help you do that.  You need people to let you make mistakes, fall on your face, wallow in the muck and then help you to stand.  We need to learn NOT to believe what we are told, and to NOT trust the “truths”, the “words”, the “system”.  The answer and truth is within you.  If you are deceived, you deceive the whole world and everyone you encounter.  We walk in a confused fog of promises to each other and dangling carrots in front of donkeys when we don’t even have a map of what we want in life.  

You don’t have to try hard to find that.  Please, don’t.  Maybe you think it’s something you like doing.  STOP doing that.  I dare you.  STOP doing anything that brings you happiness as the loss of that thing, that person, that activity, that life can only lead to one thing…sadness.  

So what then do you DO-You motivated, skilled, intelligent, bored, driven, creative mind?  Listen.  Listen to the wind.  Listen to the birds.  Listen to your soul.  The truth is there and it will lead you with no effort whatsoever.  You can have a playground without toys.  Just close your eyes and be it.